Here I was cattin’ at this bar Clean as any movie star When “Boom” a beauty come a boundin’ through the door

As this grave topic one approaches The care and feeding of cockroaches By this fact one is quickly struck

No, I ain't got much, it's true But ain't much I ever do Hard work done-in Daddy, 'deed it did

When the doctor ordered ‘give up booze.’ I hollered, ‘doctor what if I refuse’ He said, ‘then you’ll soon be flat

I don’t need you helping me do bad Not behind the kind of breaks I’ve had Don’t need you to renew my jinks Emphasize how the system stinks

Eve and Adam had a garden Everything was "Jake" Till one day a voice said, "Pardon "Miss, my name is snake

Don’t want my woman laughin’ in the bed Her guffawin’ on the pillow is a sound I dread To bed ain’t where I go To hear no ho ho ho

Take a heaping helping of bologna Covered with a coat of something phony Sprinkle on some crap Set it in a trap Serve it to a sap

Just came from seein’ Buddy Jones He’s in intensive care Yeah, fell and broke a bunch of bones I witnessed it… I swear

I hope that you are at that stage Where you make one night stands Because young women, at my age That’s all a person plans